What I want more than anything is omniscience. When I told one of the greatest obscure intellectuals in the u.s. this (Who happens to be black, by the way!), he asked me, "You like pain that much?".
I figured if I knew everything, it would all even out. Boy, but the knowing more and more is a double edged sword. It does hurt like Hell on occasion. Like when I look at the misery of the fish in the tanks destined for dinner where I work? The tied up lobsters and crabs destined to be boiled alive? Nothing should experience that torture. Well, outside of politicians, pharma workers, factory farmers, and you know the rest.
Barring the psychopath, I'm under the impression everything is born/hatched in love; and it's driven out of them by circumstances. A few never lose it, but they're better individuals than I. As we may note from my blog, I have more than one chip on my shoulder; and there is more than a little hate driving this puppy. Sometimes the negative disappears for a while, but it always comes back. I realise some things from an intellectual perspective, but I don't generally GROK them. Generally. For a few rare moments here and there, I am in the right state of mind. Meditation helps me get there on occasion.
Gods, it does hurt to know too much about the wrong things, but I wouldn't trade it in for anything. The knowledge I have is all I seem to have left, and it gives me a type of power in addition to the misery that is worth far more than any mortal flotsam illusions that harbour in this vile realm that I chose to pass through one. . .more. . .time.
And only one more time.
Screw our varied perspectives of this Hell Hole, depending on what realm we are in. We just don't take it so seriously on the Otherside. After all, it is only a blink of an eye in eternity; and ultimately it is only a game. The biggest D & D nightmare available, where we walk the board. Yes, all the world is a stage, and we are mere players.
Those of us who GROK this are truly free. And I'm one of them, despite my state of apparent slavery to this realm. For reasons I shall not post!
