Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Personal Rant

Woulda, coulda, didn't.  Why?

I was a dilettante about everything.  'Cept what really wasn't important.  And what I get to be an ace at threw me away.  Go figure.

When I was fifteen, I was pretty fast a runner, and did 'free running' before it was a phrase.  I used to jump over park benches, garbage cans, could jump eight feet with a running start, could dive off a board doing an aerial both backward and forward, could do a forward handspring no problem, backward. . .I've done it, but only a couple times from the floor.  I was a good fence vaulter, could climb a ten foot pole three times without using my legs, thirteen chin-ups, though I kicked after eight.  I could haul myself up a wall that was taller than me with no problem.  Not a record, but I could cover three miles in about half an hour when I was nineteen, and I broke an eight minute mile all the time.  Again, not that impressive, being I never seriously trained.  I used to think running and working out was fun.  Got to where I could clean and jerk over ninety of my body weight.  The weight set was somewhere between a hundred and two and a hundred and three lbs..  Once after a forty-five day work stint with long days, I didn't have time to eat, I dropped to a hundred seven pounds, and I could still do that clean and jerk, but I think I could only press it six times instead of ten.  I lost some muscle with the fat.  That was about ninety five or six percent of my body weight at the time, though that was a fluke.  That was also the weight I wouldn't go on the rag anymore, so of course I didn't have enough will power to stay there.  I was a few millimetres shy of five foot six.  I've shrunk since then.

I could draw pretty good if I kept at it, but I have few masterpieces in my past since I usually gave up before I found the work satisfactory.  Some people do have or did have my work on their walls, though.  I gave my best stuff away.  I never bothered to develop the skill past B quality.  Maybe B+. Same with my stint as a musician, and I'm not going to clean up my book series, either.

I'm now a complete has been.  Is this Hell Hole worth the effort to become anything else of any sort of anything again?  I don't think so.  Hence I declare myself retired from life.  I'm just doing what I have to do to get to where I'm going, and I'm not doing anything more.

What's the point?

Though I wonder what the alternate versions of myself in the parallel universes have done with themselves.  One day I'll know.  And I don't apologise for falling short.