Should be ecstatic. Instead, I'm royally pissed. Such is the feeling when one perceives themselves in a cage of sorts. A cage of unpleasant illusions and lies. A cage of slavery and unwanted obligations that one better not disavow. A cage of having to do everything one doesn't want to do.
Time grows short, but if one is miserable an hour is an eternity. And when will I be taken past the final gates of Hell to be left behind?
At the same time I feel a gratitude for at least being somewhat comfortable for a few months longer. . .though for a price. Yet we're still way too poor to get even remotely hedonistic.
On the other hand, I could spend a half hour on the balcony with my precious plants and a few candles on the floor, with me sitting in a chair drinking a few cups of some or the best creamed tay on the planet tonight. It's uber cool now, since the castors have reached our floor and are leaning over the southish part of the balcony. Oh, and my thornapples are in bloom, and they are looking absolutely lush. Too bad the kind I have doesn't have stronger smelling flowers. Inermis. Smooth thornapple. On the other hand, too bad we're surrounded by other apartment complexes right next to us on three sides, and a damn school across the street.
I hate urban, suburban living, but we're stuck here. But it could be worse. We could be living in a big city downtown. If that ain't a nightmare, what is?